For
fear of the worst, I never enjoy the best.
I was thirty years old when I had my first child, a beautiful
daughter. At that time I did not know
she would be my only one. I was teaching
full time and always had such a hard time leaving her every morning to go to
work, even though my husband was working at night so he watched her all
day. Because they spent all day
together, they formed a close bond that still exists today. She is her daddy’s girl, unafraid of life
and looking for the next adventure. My
husband is the same way. On the other
hand, I am the opposite of them and I would be perfectly happy if she would go
to work then come home and eat jello.
This is a running joke in our family.
I am of the opinion that if you just stay home and eat jello, you will
not run the risk of choking and nothing bad will happen to you. Even though I have improved somewhat, I still
have a huge problem with worry.
I thought I would worry less about
her when she became an adult. I see
other parents handling this so much better than me. Why can’t I just be happy for her when she is
off on her next adventure? She has done
more and gone more places in her lifetime than I ever have. In the past she would take my car since her
little truck was unreliable. I would
often joke that my car had been to San Francisco but I had not. As my
title says, I fear the worst in many situations. Sometimes I beat myself up because I know
that fear shows a lack of faith. In the past
I heard that the letters in fear stand for false expectations appearing
real. When I let my mind go, the fear
can spread like a wildfire.
Well, today my daughter left for a
three day trip to Yosemite. Of course I
told her to watch out for bears and stay out of the water because it can be
really cold and swift. Then someone told
me the deer could also be dangerous there, so that gave me a new worry. Jeez!
Like I needed that. Thank
goodness she texted me when she got to the lodge where she and her friend are
staying. I counted the hours until I got
that text. The next day her friend decided
to play a joke on me and text a picture in which it looked like my daughter was
clinging to a rock, a very high rock.
Her arm was stretched out and her mouth was open like she was yelling. For a moment I was startled and then my cell
phone rang. It was my daughter telling
me it was a joke. Hmmm…. I was not
laughing. My next text to her friend
was, “You are on really thin ice with me
missy!” You had better watch out if I
call you missy or mister. I know most
people only think of the good times they are going to have on vacation, but I am
one of those who will also worrry about everything that could go wrong. My mother and my granddaddy are the same
way. Can worrying be inherited? I don’t know.
I am blaming them for my problem with worry.
Thank goodness my family loves me in
spite of my problem. They never worry
about anything until it happens. Oh how
I long to be able to face life like that.
My husband always says, “Well, when something happens then I am going to
worry. Until I know anything different,
I am going to assume that everything is ok.”
He did not grow up with worriers in his family. I know that for a fact. So my lovely daughter is home safe from her
trip with no regrets. She drove all the
way there, made all the arrangements for the three days of sightseeing, and got
back home without a scratch. I hope one
day that I will be more like her. Until
then, I will stay home an eat jello. Unfortunately, at this time, for fear of the
worst, I still have a problem enjoying the best.
No comments:
Post a Comment